where am i from again
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
