Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
