I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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