When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize