Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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