Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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