Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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