Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
