My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
