U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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