I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
