Me too!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
