I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
