Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
