hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
