You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
then he tried to convert me to islam
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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