Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
