Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
