I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
