Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
