Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
