I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize