i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
