you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
