Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
