Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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