I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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