she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
