Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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