I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
