I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
