I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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