You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
