Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize