I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Randomize
