the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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