Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
