hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
