i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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