The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
