Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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