he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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