Sry I called you an 8
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
