I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
