You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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