Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
