yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
