Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
