3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
