either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
