I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
