i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
