you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
being pregnant is like rehab
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
