it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
