so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
