what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
