I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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