I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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