Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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