i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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