oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
