I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
