You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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