He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
