i need an iv and a liver transplant
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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