Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
