so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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