We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
