My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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