I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
