Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
