dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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