Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
