Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
