can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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