Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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