6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
