I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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