Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
