and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
