bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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