Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dignity is for republicans.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
