Yo dont text me then not text me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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