now i know why i became what i already was.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want to make out with him forever
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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