I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
