walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
