Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize