He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
