I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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