sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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