he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
