guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
