that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
