Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
