What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
