You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
