Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
