Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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