I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize