Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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