There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
