I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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