so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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