I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
