I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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