His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there's paper in my vomit.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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