Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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