we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
