Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
