IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize