I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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