god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
