You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
