Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
