I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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